I am working hard toward forgiveness. Yes, I know it is a gift for me, because frankly, the other person in this case could care less. My husband( I guess I can still call him that for a few short weeks) doesn't even seem realize the destruction he's left behind. Life with him was like a never-ending storm of new painful information. Now, my children and I are left to clean up the wreckage alone. Of course, we can rebuild, but the scars remain. Supposedly, time heals all wounds. I can honestly say that as the days and years pass, this gaping hole in my heart only grows larger. You see, as he was out living his life and moving on, I waited. I stayed faithful and true, and prayed for our family every day. Then, I went to bed alone, and cried every single night. It's been that way for several years now.
As I look toward the future, I see many more lonely years ahead. Since this was not my first marriage, or attempt at "moving on," I know it must be the last. My children have been far too hurt by this. And, I do not believe I could ever trust or love again. My husband told me a few days ago that the other woman and her child simply needed him more during that time. That he had to stand by the promises he made to her. What about the promises he made to our family? What happened to those? Why is it so easy to walk away from every single one he vowed to us, but keep those to her? Do we not matter? Are we not worthy of being loved? Protected? The truth is we needed him, too. Desperately. More than he will ever know. I am glad that at least he has made a good life from this mess. At least one person can go forward happily. One out of six isn't great odds, but kudos to him. I truly wish him all the best in the world.
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