Moving forward

I took my rings off last night.  He filed the papers over 14 months ago, and I've been praying about this every day since.  Today was the last day for me to file my preliminary documents.  The deadline has come and gone, and things should be finalized in the next couple of weeks.  I fought hard for our family to the last minute.  I could have filed those papers, run up thousands more in legal bills, and drug this out a few months longer.  But, the end result would've been the same.  Over the past few days, I've realized that a man who would leave his family like this without even seeing them for over a year, isn't worth my tears anymore.  He is an absolutely amazing soldier, a good son, and very dedicated to all those he loves.  I guess we simply did not fall into that category.  I do wish him all the best in the world.  I will not be in touch, and hope the rest of his life turns out the way he wants.  As for mine, I can't say I'm happy.  However, I have reached some acceptance of the the circumstances.  My hand is bare, the service flag is out of my front window, and the army wife magnet removed from my newly washed vehicle.  I will continue to fly an American flag on my porch out of respect for our country, and all the men and women who bravely serve.  As for my husband, he will not be forgotten, but life keeps going forward with or without him.  Now, I see that he was never really around in the first place.  As Natalie Imbruglia's song puts it, "the illusion never changed into something real."  I'm wide awake for the first time in years, and mercifully not as torn as I'd imagined.  God put my family here in this place for a purpose.  Beauty will someday rise from these ashes. C'est la vie...